One-armed Bandit Tarot

A Slot Machine Spread

The archetypical slot machine usually has three reels of symbols, but there’s of course nothing wrong with adding more reels (rows of cards) if you are so inclined, and if it fits a particular reading you would want to do.

In this example, I will use 3 card reads, which literally could be anything that’s supposed to be read in a linear fashion (past, present, future – mind, body, spirit etc.)

You will need: A deck of cards, a coin or something similar (like a stone)  and at least one six-sided die.

With your, or your client/sitter’s question in mind, shuffle the cards in your normal fashion. Cut the deck as normal, and deal out three rows of cards, each with six cards in them, laying them all face down. 

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Offer a coin as a symbolic gesture. This could be a “magical” (consecrated) coin if you have one, or you could make one specially  for this specific purpose, or if you like to practice post-apocalyptic witchcraft, you could use a bottle cap, or really any kind of stone or an object of symbolic value to you or your client. Whatever you feel will work best for you. 

Pull an imaginary lever. Roll the die one time for each row. Turn over the card corresponding with the number on the die. Violà! There you have your results.

Variations:

It’s easy to modify this spread to better suit you needs. I’ve got some more thoughts and suggestions though, if you’d like to try it out. 

For instance, you could use more rows, as mentioned above, or put more, or less, cards in each row, and use polyhedral dice, like a D4, D8, D10, D12, or a D20 if you own them. If you don’t, you just use a random number generator either online or on an app on your phone. They’re easy to find. 

You might also consider using only 9 cards total if you are short on space. Still use three rows, but with only 3 cards in each one. And then use the 6 sided die as a D3:

1-2 = 1

3-4 = 2

5-6 = 3

Additionally, If you have one of those mini tarot decks or oracle cards, then that might be easier and more handy if your reading table or floor is small. 

If you’re like me, you probably have more than one deck. How about using three different decks? A separate one for each row. Maybe just use the Major Arcana from the decks, so that you increase the chance of getting two or three similar cards in a row! Jackpot!  

You could even turn over all the cards before rolling the dice and “pretend” you are allowed to step up or down a number of times in order to make a more favourable read Yes, I know this is a heretical notion, but shouldn’t we break the rules once in a while and deconstruct how to read cards? Why do you think I made this spread up in the first place? Trust me, I’m all for tradition, but let’s experiment more when it comes to actually using the cards. 

Here’s an example of a read: 

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You can see that I rolled 2, 2 and 6. The Four of Pentacles didn’t quite “fit” and I didn’t really see how it related to my question. So decided to “step up” one card (Page of Cups) and that made much more sense, and was definitely something I had hoped for regarding the outcome.

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The Vitriolic Tarot

The Vitriolic Tarot is designed by Colman Stevenson and published by Dark Exact.

V.I.T.R.I.O.L. is an alchemical motto which stands for:

“Visita Interiora Terrae Rectificando Invenies Occultum Lapidem”*

And translates into:

Visit the interior of the earth, and by rectifying (correcting or purifying) what you find there, you will discover the hidden stone.

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Impressions

My first impression is that this feels very alien, but in a good way. It’s so different from all my other decks, and the only one that I can compare it to is the perhaps The Magic tarot by Frederic Lionel, and even that is a stretch, so maybe the similarities are more in spirit than anything else.

The red cardboard box, with the white stickers, as well as the design and layout of the cards themselves makes it seem like a long lost underground Tarot pack from an alternative 70s. I can just picture bespectacled intellectuals clad in black turtlenecks with crystal necklaces raving about the importance and artistic quality of this arcane artefact.

I keep finding myself staring at the symbol on the card back. It does leap out in a three-dimensional way to me, like sacred geometry. It suggests a series of Möbius strips, sort of tilting away, as if to remind us that time is not linear. And I can’t think of a more perfect representation of the tarot than this, as my work of the tarot as a tool through the years has taught me that our relationship with time is very misunderstood.

Now, it should be noted that since the image on the back isn’t mirrored, reversals might be a little tricky. It’s not a huge deal, as it’s perfectly fine to just use this without reading reversals, and since it’s only 23 cards, you could easily modify it by applying coloured contact paper on the backs anyway. And if you haven’t already started to modify your decks, I highly urge you to try it out as it’s an extremely potent way to connect to a deck. I’ve been reading the cards using only the upright meanings and I’ve been referring to the more specific “interpretations” in the LWB**, although the booklet does provide a small list of the more traditional interpretations. 

The Great Work

This is an esoteric tarot, and more specifically, an alchemical tarot, which I guess all proper tarot decks really are (or at least should be), but here it’s clearly the intention.

Nigredo, blackness, that which many alchemists believe to be the first step towards the philosopher’s stone. A purification or a sort of decomposition. In a psychological context it’s a metaphor for when you confront your own shadow, aka “the dark night if the soul” or having an “existential crisis”. Also known as The Black Phase. This is followed Albedo, The White Phase, then Citrinitas and Rubedo, known as The Yellow and The Red Phase respectively. 

As a side note, this always makes me think of the Fibonacci inspired lyrical pattern in Laterlaus by Tool:

Black then white are all I see
In my infancy.
Red and yellow then came to be,
Reaching out to me,
Lets me see.

Anyway,  in this deck the Fool’s Journey in the Major Arcana is split up into these four phases. And in my opinion Colman has done a great job of linking the Major Arcana and Alchemy in a way that is both elegant and easy to understand.

Colour Codes

This brings us to the ingenious colour coding of this deck. And this is done in two ways, or perhaps three, if you count the colours of the sigils, and the guidebook does say that the colours of these where chosen by the ideas they often represent, but we’ll focus on the two most obvious ways.

The first one is the four phases in the Magnum Opus (The Great Work), and this is done simply by a thin line going across the card in a colour corresponding to its respective phase. Fool (Alpha) to Death all have a black line for instance. Then Temperance to Moon has a white one and so on.

The second colour coding expands on the four stages already mentioned, and it goes into further detail about each stage, and this is clearly shown by a rectangle in the upper right corner. It starts with Calcination visualised as charcoal grey on the Fool (Alpha) and Magician card, moves on to Dissolution in violet on High Priestess, then onto red for Separation with Empress, Emperor and Hierophant and so on and so forth.

Sigils and Symbols

In addition to the name and number of the card, and the previously mentioned colour coding, each card has little symbol (referred to as “icon” in the LWB) attached to it, as well as a specially constructed sigil. The symbols are shown in black and white and its drawings lifted from The Personal Oracle, also available from Dark Exact. These are simple and effective, and serves as a visual hint to some of its cards meaning. I particularly like the upside down tree on the Hanged One card.

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The largest part of the card is the space for the sigil. These vary in colour but are all done in a fairly similar style. This is perhaps the most mysterious, or “occult” part of the deck, and here I feel like I’ve yet to crack the proverbial code. And maybe there is isn’t much to crack here, but still, my gut tells me that over time these sigils will perhaps reveal some profound insights. I speculate that with some meditation or just quiet contemplation whilst looking at the cards, you surely should be able to scry these sigil gateways and come up with your own ideas about what they mean. An idea for the next edition of the LWB  is to leave room so that you may write down your notes and own thoughts on these. Just a suggestion.

 

And also, although it’s not a big deal, the yellow sigil on the Magician card is a little hard to see, but except for that, the printing is exceptional and everything is clear and easy to read. 

Oh, and here’s a crazy idea for the daredevils and alchemical adventures out there… How about if you use whiteout, or something else to cover the sigils, and then you make your own and put them on there instead? Now that sure would be an exercise worth investigating, and one that truly would make this your own unique journey. And I must say, I’m really tempted to do it myself some time in the future. Not because I don’t like the sigils already on the cards, but because I like the tarot, and magick in general, to be an interactive and personal experience.

The Tarot De/Re/constructed

In a way, The Vitriolic Tarot is a very minimalist deck, at least on the surface, and at first glance, and although first glances, and initial intuitions are important, every student of the occult knows that if we look deeper, the veil will be lifted, and hidden truths will be revealed.

One thing though, that seems to be a way of stripping the tarot down to its essence, is the removal of the “The” from the titles of the cards. It’s no “The Lovers, and it’s instead only “Lovers” and it’s just “Sun” and not “The Sun”. I like this. There’s also one name change, which I also really like, and that is instead of “The Hanged Man”, we get “Hanged One”.

It’s also worth mentioning that this deck includes a second Fool card, known as Fool (Omega). For those already familiar with The Dark Exact Tarot this will come as no surprise, but others might at first be a bit puzzled, but it really does work in context, and it fits with the whole theme and philosophy of the deck (the Fool’s journey loops and is a life long process).

My box came with a little note explaining that “The Booklet is sort of still a draft and I might add to it later”. Still, I’d say that this very good booklet, which does a good job of describing the thoughts and ideas behind the deck. It also provides us with a handful of spreads, and that’s always welcome. 

I also, once again, have to applaud Coleman Stevenson to be so kind as to include a bibliography,  presented as “Works Consulted” at the back of the booklet. And I know this might sound a little silly but trust me, rarely do the creators of tarot list their research and influences like this. And sure, the tarot is mainly visual, but we are sorely lacking the actual thoughts behind a lot of the work being produced these days, and it just goes to show that most decks on the market are just “art decks” lacking real esoteric depths. 

For pure divinatory purposes I rarely use the Major Arcana only, and I’ll usually reserve that for special occasions and for special intents. But the Vitriolic Tarot have yielded g great results and have proven to be a potent tool in my ever-growing tarot toolbox. And I sure as hell feel like I’ve actually learned a thing or two just by using it. And I’ll continue using it, play with it, and learn from it.

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* This motto apparently originated in the book L’Azoth des Philosophes by the 15th Century alchemist Basilius Valentinus.

** Little white book

The Sleeper Must Awaken

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(Photo by Kate Williams on Unsplash)

First and foremost, happy new year!

Secondly, my apologies for waiting so long to write a new post, although, I doubt that anybody is really keeping track. It does, however, offer me a great opportunity to address the frequency of how often I will post. I’ve purposely avoided to set any kind of schedule as to which I shall share my content, and it will most likely, over time, be sporadic at best. However, at the very least, I’m aiming for at least a couple of new posts a month. I’ve got a few planned, and I do have some things in my archives and notes that I might revise and publish on this platform through the coming year(s).

Anyhow, the 12 Days of Christmas (aka “Omen Days”) have mostly been spent reading, watching season 2 of Preacher, some superhero movies, and perhaps one of the most interesting/best/coolest movies of 2018, namely Mandy.

I’d like to take a moment to disclose my reading list, henceforth lovingly referred to as The Desert (reading) Sessions, as well as add some commentary.

The Desert (reading) Sessions

Presented in (almost) chronological order in which they were read by yours truly.

The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo

This is of course a classic that I’ve been meaning to read for year, and boy am I glad I finally decided it was time! Because it did not disappoint. I wish I had read this much sooner, but in a way, it couldn’t have happen at a better time. It’s a genuinely inspiring story, with many deep lessons and it offers some great insight, about following your heart and your dreams. Your true desires. Your “True Will” as Crowley would have put it. It also teaches you alchemy. Real alchemy. This is a contender for my top 10 favourite books of all time. Time will tell, but the story is one that has stuck in my mind.

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Folio Society has an exquisite hardcover edition that will elevate the reading experience if you have the funds to spare. Well worth price if you ask me,

Dune by Frank Herbert

Another classic, and an old favourite of mine, and one that’s literally on my top 10 list. I can’t recommend this enough, as it might possibly be the best sci-fi novel ever, and also because it transcends the genre and subsequently has become a timeless story that has yet to be captured with live action (but I have hopes that they’ll one day manage to do it justice).

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Once again, although I already owned two other editions of this book, I opted for the utterly breathtakingly gorgeous hard bound Folio Society published one.

Entering the Desert by Craig Williams

So, while I was still in the middle of Dune, this paperback desert grimoire showed up, and in ways it stands in stark contrast to the sublime talismanic bindings of the two previous books discussed. However, it also goes to show how a paperback edition of an occult release could and should look like. If every publisher took as much care in the presentation and design of their paperbacks as Anathema Publishing then I think this whole niche market would flourish, as I surely would splurge on even more strange tomes as this. Anyway, I’m digressing… This was a much quicker read than I had anticipated and I found myself plowing through the text in just two days. Now, I’ll surely have to go back and study it more, as there really is a lot in between the lines here. And although I might not agree with every notion and idea presented here, it still offered some insight and has inspired me to pursue some more creative occultism and to hopefully one day be able to explore and share some of my own take on magick sometime in the future. However, this book might not be for everyone, and I’m still on the fence if this really fits into my path, as this clearly is leaning towards a more Left Hand and sorcerous approach. Yet, I am of the belief that any which path you choose, if applied correctly, will end up in the same place regardless.

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I’ve already started on the connected book Cult of Golgotha by the same author, which at the time of writing this is still available in a couple of hardback editions over at the publisher’s website: https://www.anathemapublishing.com/

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Now, lastly, from one kind of reading to another:

The Year Ahead Spread

I did my Year Ahead Spread for 2019, and it suggests a strange journey to come.

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January starts with The Magician, and so far I would say that that is indeed the archetype I’ve decided to embody this month. It does lead into The Hierophant for February and The Hanged Man in March and continuing on with the Chariot in April, which to me suggests a sort of gathering of momentum, that turns into The Sun and The Universe respectively. July is all about the Wheel of Fortune spinning a yarn that might very well do all it can to trip me up in the form of The Tower in August, something I’m not exactly looking forward too, but at least I have a heads up, right? The Last four months came up as The Empress, The Fool, The Emperor ending with Strength in December, so seems like there is some good news after all.

I’m still taking in the information laid out in the circle, and I will take it to heart, and use it as a map, still with the knowledge of “the map is not the territory” held clearly in mind. The sleeper must awaken indeed. I can’t sleep forever, can I?

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Lots of reviews and articles to come my fellow travellers.

M.O.R.E. Tarot

Mobile Outdoor Reading Equipment

I really enjoy reading Tarot outdoors, however, this does have some challenges. Mostly having to do with wind. I’ve had cards fly off the top of my deck, and over the roof, and/or just taking off over the balcony, landing on gravel roads or in bushes. Not only is it annoying to have to run after your cards in the middle of a read, but it would suck to have the cards either get damaged or worse; lost!

So, here’s my tips, tricks and hacks:

Stones, crystals rocks, dice and coins…

I don’t know about you, but I always carry at least one small bag of gemstones with me, and not only do these look super cool and witchy, they are great for putting on top of the cards you’ve pulled so they stay in one place.

Also, it’s not uncommon for me to have a handful of dice with me, or at least somewhere nearby. These are fine substitutes for cute little card weights. Also you could devise a way for incorporating die divination alongside your standard Tarot reads (maybe I’ll get into how to do this in another post down the line). Also, dice bags are great alternatives to tarot bags, and every comic book shop tends to have them (at least here in Norway).

If you’re a witch on a budget, then just use some rocks. They’re free, and everywhere! Coins will also do in a pinch, and even bottle caps (I find these lying around on the ground all the time).

Laundry Witches are known to use cloth pins, and the office or student kind might have some paper clips handy. Just look around, I’m sure you can find something useful. Card holders, sticks, tea candles? Matchboxes or lighters? Whatever you’ve got in your bag or pocket.

Just don’t forget to put something on top of your deck as well, and not just the cards you’ve pulled!

Serving/breakfast/lap tray, a lid or a lunch box…

Get a serving tray, or something similar, with high sides. For some reason, during my tests, this worked much better than a deep wooden box. This right here really is the best solution I’ve found for reading outside. It’s just the perfect size for small to medium layouts.

The budget option is finding some kind of lid, from a shoe box or anything you’ve got lying around. If you’re just doing a one or two card spread, even a lunch box would work, as well as doubling as a stealthy container for your deck, if you are traveling undercover or you’re  are not out of the broom closet yet.

So go, step out the door, and read MORE!

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The Ch.A.O.S. Tips

The Coffeehouse Augur’s Oracle Survival Tips

Try saying that 10 times in a row! And, yes, I know, it’s a stupid acronym, and I’m just trying to be clever and trying to make a cool sounding title, while hopefully catching your attention.

So, one of my favourite rituals is to read tarot and have a cup of coffee at the same time. Usually I’ll do this in the safety of my of home, nonetheless, on occasion I brave the great outdoors in order to spice things up a little. However, it’s not always practical to carry around all your standard cartomantic reading accessories, and sometimes you’ll either forget to bring your gear, or you just want to travel light. So what follows is some tips and observations I’ve made:

Turn on, tune in, drop out (i.e. connect)

First, always ask for the “secret” (wifi) password if it’s not written anywhere clearly visible. You never really know when you need to ride the digital broomstick, and access to the astral waves of the web will always come in handy. Like downloading tarot apps (in case you find yourself without a deck, or if you really want to be an undercover cyberpunk witch) or streaming music (see below) and looking up meanings and/or correspondences if your memory doesn’t serve you too well.

No spread cloth? No problem!

Napkins are the perfect as make-shift solution.

Is the place a little too busy and/or noisy? Consider this:

Set up a stealthy ritual space. It can sometimes be hard to get into the zone, with all the things going on in the background. But you have all the elements you need right there in front of you to help you get into the right frame of mind.

Earth: Salt packets or salt shakers, even pocket change can double as symbolic pentacles. Or you can think of the plant or flower on the table as suitable representation for this.  

AirSmell the coffee? Well, there you go!

Fire: Candles. Easy, Perhaps the hot cups of coffee too?

Water: A glass of water, as you should always remember to hydrate, and drink water. Again, the cup of coffee will do in a pinch for this.

Lastly, music!

Put on your favourite tarot reading album, and you’ll find it much easier to concentrate and get in the mood. This one’s my go-to:

Jared Ambience Inc. & Sverre Økshoff – Rats

Which is yours?

As an option, just putting in earbuds will keep some of the noise down, and also people are less likely to disturb you if they think you’re listening to something.

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The Dark Exact Tarot Guide – Review

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  • Paperback.
  • 168 pages.
  • Black and white printing (The Dark Exact Tarot is just black and white, so color would make no sense in this case).
  • Self published.

I have been an avid user of the Dark Exact Tarot, and I have been along for the journey ever since the first edition, so safe to say, I have been waiting for this guide book for a while now! That means I have had plenty of experience of using the deck without a full dedicated guide, although it does come with a pretty standard LWB (little white book).

Right off the bat I want to say that having access to this guide book really changes how you work with the Dark Exact deck. It really opens it up, and adds a great deal of depth to it. And this is a much, much, much deeper deck than I had originally thought. It is like a dark portal that transports you and your mind and to a secret place that reversals some of the mysteries hidden inside the Major and Minor Arcana of Colman’s wonderful take on the Tarot.

First of all, this book has a very nice Preface, which describes some interesting facts about designing the Dark Exact Tarot itself. I do wish it would go into even more details about the creation and the choices made, but I know there is some more information about this online and if we’re lucky, more interviews will show up in the future were Coleman talks about this. Anyway, I’m glad the preface got into this nonetheless, and it is always an important aspect to address, as it will help you understand the deck better.

The second section is called Reading The Tarot: Major and Minor Threads. It deals with ways to read tarot and the “proper” practices and the basic procedures. All good stuff. It takes a modernistic approach which I really love. It talks about letting other people touch your cards (often a big no-no) and that makes me happy. I don’t go about showing my cards to just about everybody, but if someone shows interest, I will let them touch the cards with their own hands, and I get excited it when friends and family wants to hold the cards as I talk about them. In a way, it feels very much the same as when a good friend or family member plays one of your precious instruments. You get a new perspective. You get to see (or hear) the “tool” under a different light and that might grant you valuable insight. But I digress. This chapter has a wealth of wisdom and advice for both new and old tarot readers.

Next up is the Major Arcana. The Fools Journey. This has the information of the cards themselves and their divinatory meanings. You get two pages for each card. The first page has a picture of the card itself (a little smaller in size than the physical cards) and it features stone correspondences. Now, that is not something that’s useful for me right now, but my practice both in terms of divination and magick/witchcraft is ever evolving, so I appreciate it being included. Also, a few of the pages has extra explanations of what the name of the some of the specific symbols featured on the cards are. The second page is the description of the card, which includes keywords, interpretations and reversed meanings. At first I had one gripe about this presentation… as it has a lot of wasted space, and I thought it could have been utilised a little better. However, I rapidly changed my mind as I continued reading the book and suddenly realised that this extra room was perfect for adding your own notes! A blessing in disguise. This is probably not what Coleman intended, but I actually find it to be a good thing. For me, this is very much a workbook, and the art of reading Tarot is always a work in progress, so adding your own touch and insights will make your own personal journey more meaningful and unique. And Coleman, if you are reading this, how about you make a Dark Exact add-on sticker pack to this guide? They could include additional alchemical and esoteric symbols related to the cards, general updates and even some extra few sentences per card. I would love to modify and decorate my book in this way. Just a thought.

Following this is of course the Minor Arcana. This presentation does take a slightly different approach. You get one page with a picture of the Ace, and the opposite page has a few lines about the appropriate suit with it’s alchemical elemental symbol, and beneath that are the meanings for upright and reversed positions. Then after that, it deals with three pip cards at a time, with one page presenting three cards in a row and another page with the three card descriptions. The court cards gets the same treatment, but with 4 cards instead of three. I would have liked a little more information for each card, especially because reading “pips” with no scenes or people can sometimes a little tricky for me. But what we get here is good, and it goes above and beyond the LWB. Again, there is plenty of blank space to add some notes of your own, so it is not a big deal, you just have to do some of the extra work yourself, but you should do that anyway!

Later on we get some sample spreads, both the classic ones and some new and exciting variations. Six in total. The original “Dark Exact” spreads are really interesting and it is always nice to see some different and unusual spreads to get inspired. And that is not all, because after the spreads we get treated with three sample readings. This was a very neat surprise and they are very thorough and I think they will be particularly useful to novice cartomancers, although the more experienced readers should find these fascinating as well.

At the very end there is an index, a References and Recommended Reading list and Acknowledgements. I cannot praise the author enough for including an actual index! Now, this is a small book, so the index is not that long, but it is still hugely useful to have, and I know later printings will expand on this. Also, a recommended reading and reference is a must and these last sections of the guidebook is what really brings it up to a serious and professional level. Being a bibliophile who buys way too many books on esoteric subjects, I am m all too aware of the fact that many authors of niche publications skip over this part, rendering their release rather useless in an academic sense. In no way am I an academic, but I consider myself a student (and sometimes even a teacher) so I like to know the sources of where the information came from. I cannot stress the importance of this enough. Occult and esoteric writers, take notes.

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Conclusion:

I learned something new about reading Tarot in general, not just relating to The Dark Exact deck. My feelings are that this book was written from a Tarot reader’s perspective and from someone’s personal experience over a long period of time, and that the deck was primarily made to be practical and highly functional as opposed to just a design project from the artist. This is real Tarot, real Magick, real Witchcraft, and definitely NOT style over substance. My experience up until this point, having worked with the Dark Exact deck for way over a year, is that this peculiar deck is MUCH deeper than I initially though. Straight out of the box, it always lived up to its name; Exact. It has been very exact and has cut right to the chase, but it sometimes left me feeling that it couldn’t quite reach the depths of some of the other decks I regularly use. However, after having read this guide, I can see that impression was wrong, and I have now gained a brand new appreciation of Coleman’s wonderful Tarot. This even has the potential to become a modern classic in my humble opinion. With a guidebook as good as this, I can’t see why not!

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Red Pill/Blue Pill – Tarot Spread

The Red Pill/Blue Pill Tarot Spread

This is your last chance. After this, there is no turning back. You take the blue pill—the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the redpill—you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes. Remember: all I’m offering is the truth. Nothing more.

– Morpheus

Inspired by the Neon Moon Tarot, and its cyberpunk themes, I came up with this weird little variant of a tarot spread…

This Tarot spread is for when you a feeling a little bit like Alice… for when you’ve tumbled down a rabbit hole, and you’re out of your depth. Or maybe you’re lost in the woods somewhere… and you can’t find your way back home, or see the forest for all the scary trees? Perhaps you’re in a pickle, or just are faced with a tough decision. Could just be you need a reality check.

A wake up call.

Think about your question. Feel it. Shuffle your deck. Focus on your query. Stop when you feel like you’re ready for your naked lunch*. Do whatever you usually do before you deal the cards (cut the deck etc.). Pick the top two.

1. The first card is the Red Pill:

It represents Knowledge, Freedom and the Brutal Truth of Reality.

2. The second card is the Blue Pill:

It stands for Security, False Happiness and Blissful Ignorance of Illusion.

How does this relate to your situation? Is it a tough pill to swallow? Make your choice now. Do you take The Red Pill, or do you take the Blue Pill?

Whatever you choose is up to you, but don’t take it too lightly. Put the card you chose somewhere where you can see it. Maybe take a drink of water as a symbolic act. Return the other card to the deck. Go about your day.

*Naked lunch; a frozen moment when everyone sees what is on the end of every fork.

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